There’s a famous line that you’re the five people you surround yourself with. I didn’t understand how true it was until I got out of a friendship and realized I didn’t like who I’d turned into.
Who do you surround yourself with?
You’ve heard the quote. You are the five people you spend the most time with. It gets tossed around so much it almost stops meaning anything. But I’ve lived the truth of it, so let me make it real.
If you want to be a successful entrepreneur, are you surrounding yourself with successful entrepreneurs? Are you around people who get why you work as hard as you do? People who build you up, or people who quietly tear you down? People who tell you the truth in love, or people who fluff your feathers and tell you every idea is a great idea, when on the inside they’re thinking it’s a terrible one and they just don’t know how to say it, so “great idea” it is, and now nobody has to talk about it?
That last one ties straight into what I talked about the other night, not being able to fix a problem you don’t know about. A circle that won’t tell you the truth is a circle that lets you walk off a cliff smiling.
No circle beats a toxic circle
I was talking with a friend recently who was describing the people they’d been hanging around. A lot of toxicity. A lot of drama. A lot of unnecessary strife. And we came to the same conclusion together: you are who you surround yourself with.
So I asked them what I’ll ask you. Is that who you want to spend your days with? Is that who you want to run to when there’s a problem? If the answer is no, you have to find a new circle.
And here’s the part people don’t want to hear: no circle is better than a toxic circle. Yes, you might feel lonely for a while. But at least you know nobody’s talking about you behind your back, starting drama, spreading rumors, or sharing the private things you trusted them with.
The friend I grieved, and what I saw after
I mentioned the other night that years ago I had a friend I thought was a best friend. When that relationship ended, it felt like grieving a death, partly because this person ghosted me completely, no answers, no replies, nothing. So it really did feel like a loss.
But after I got through the initial hurt and my head cleared, I started looking back at that friendship honestly. And what I realized stopped me cold.
I had become really negative around this person. It was almost like a competition between us, who could say the worst thing about themselves. “I’m so stupid.” “I’m so fat.” Ridiculous, tearing-yourself-down stuff. And while I was in it, I had no idea. I loved the friendship. I loved the person. It was only when it was over that I saw how much it had changed me, and how much I didn’t like who I’d become.
Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees, because you’re standing in the middle of it. You don’t get to step back and reflect until you’re out.
Being an owner is a different kind of lonely
It works the same way in business, in a way people don’t always talk about.
There was a stretch when I was building this thing mostly alone, surrounded by people who were employees. And this is not a dig at employees, I need to be crystal clear about that. We need employees, owners, nurses, doctors, tradesmen, all of it, and nobody is above anybody. But it’s a genuinely different mindset. An employee can clock out at five and actually leave it there. I couldn’t. I’d go out with friends and I could feel the “okay, more business talk, yay” energy, because I couldn’t just set it down at the door the way they could.
That’s the loneliness nobody warns you about. And it’s exactly why you have to go find the people who get it. Not just friends, a support system. People who build you up in whatever journey you’re on, whether that’s ownership, leadership, or your own path as an employee.
Honestly, I think most entrepreneurs are a little bit insane, and I don’t fully understand why anyone would want to be one. But once you are one, it’s really hard not to be. I never saw myself as an entrepreneur until I became one, and now I can’t imagine being anything else. I’m even dragging Jon into his uncomfort zone so we can build more things together.
It’s a strange, crazy lifestyle. Which is exactly why you need friends who are just as crazy as you. People who ground you. People who speak the truth in love. People you actually want to become more like.
So look at your circle, honestly
Are they partying when you want to be working, and is that quietly keeping you from your dreams? Are they calling out sick all the time and treating their job like it doesn’t matter, while you’re trying to become better? Are they out drinking every time you’re together, when you’ve realized you don’t love who you are when you drink, but you can’t seem to say no because it feels weird not to?
Those aren’t accusations. They’re just questions worth sitting with.
So here’s what I actually want to know: has there ever been a relationship you finally realized you shouldn’t be in anymore? Not because they were a bad person, but because of how it made you feel? Because it wasn’t pushing you forward? Because it was quietly turning you into a shell of who you were, or someone you didn’t want to be?
Tell me in the comments. I’m genuinely curious.
So, what kind of five people are you surrounding yourself with