A dear friend gave me a smart, kind piece of business advice tonight. My brain heard “you don’t belong.” Here’s the difference, and why it matters for you too.
This is another walk that almost didn’t happen, because of really good advice that I let hit me like a freight train instead of taking it in and using it as the good advice it actually was.
Here’s the thing I keep running into. We can hear something that is genuinely well-intended, genuinely good information, genuinely wise advice, and we internalize it, turn it around, and twist it into something it was never meant to be.
So let me tell you what happened.
You all know I signed up for CleanCon. I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m all the things. And I’m already a little raw today, so buckle up.
Tonight a dear friend posted in a group chat we’re both in and asked the room, hey, which of Jen’s trainings do you think she should showcase at CleanCon and really push? And another dear friend, someone I respect deeply, gave a genuinely good answer. She said she’d maybe steer toward leadership or management, or the sales program, because the room at that event skews toward bigger companies. That’s their ideal customer. And companies at two, three, four, five million have usually already figured out the cleaning-training side. They’ve built their own or found something that works.
That’s it. That was the advice. Solid, honest, strategic, kind. She wasn’t being catty or snarky. She was handing me free positioning gold, and I love her for it.
And then the little guy in my brain grabbed it
You know the one. That little imposter that lives up in my head immediately took her advice and ran straight to: oh my gosh, I don’t belong in that room. What am I going to teach them? If these companies are bigger than mine, they obviously have it all together. Nothing I could give them is going to be good enough.
I’m building a training program for cleaning techs. They must all have that handled, right? I’m building a sales training. They must all have that handled too, right?
That little voice starts way in the back, and then it slowly creeps forward and turns into a raging monster, especially when I’m already emotional. And I don’t understand why we’re wired this way. Because the exact same thing happens in cleaning. You miss something in a house, a client says come back and get the baseboards, and instead of thinking, they gave us a chance to make it right, your brain goes straight to: oh my gosh, I’m a failure. How did we miss that? I’m going to lose all my clients.
It’s not true. It’s not true.
So I’m going to say the thing I almost couldn’t
Tell that little imposter in your brain to shut up. It’s lying to you. It’s a stupid voice, and we all have it.
And I’m saying all of this as somebody who has a relatively successful…
Wait. Why is that hard for me to say? Why do I have to say relatively? Why do I have to downplay the things I’ve actually done? I know I’m not the only one who does this.
So let me try again, without the flinch.
I own a successful cleaning business. I am building trainings that are already helping cleaning business owners right now. I’ve sold, across all of them, to somewhere around 25 or 30 owners who have gone through some version of my trainings, and all I’ve gotten back is great feedback. Small additions here and there, sure, but overall the response has been: this is what we’ve been missing. This is the gap. I can’t wait to see what else you build.
That’s real. I’m not going to shrink it to make the imposter comfortable.
Two things can be true
Here’s what I want you to see, because this is the part that matters. My friend gave me genuinely solid advice for that room, and I don’t disagree with it. Maybe I do lead with leadership or the sales program at CleanCon. Maybe I build something management-focused between now and then. I’m taking that seriously.
And I can take that advice without deciding I’m a fraud.
Those are two completely different things, and my brain fused them into one freight train. “Adjust which training you feature” is business feedback. “You have nothing to offer and you’ve made a huge mistake” is the imposter hijacking a logistics note and turning it into a verdict on my worth. Feedback about a product is not feedback about you.
So I spent the next thirty minutes venting to Michelle and Nicole about this stupid little voice I can’t turn off. And then I caught it. I named it. I’m not dwelling in it.
If that voice lives in your head too
What makes you feel small? What makes you feel inferior? What is that voice telling you you’re not good enough to do? Can we collectively just shout at it to shut up?
Because here’s where I’ve landed. I’ll lend you my confidence in you, since I have plenty of that even on the days I’m short on confidence in me. I bring value to that room, regardless of which training I choose to focus on while I’m there. The event will be whatever it’s going to be. I’ll see some of the most amazing people and some of the best friends I’ve ever made, in the industry and out of it.
And even if I don’t sell a single training, even if I don’t make one genuine lead, even if everybody in that room thinks I’m silly or childish for bringing my little trainings to a room like that, I will still be a success, because it will be a learning experience. It’s going to happen the way it’s supposed to, and I’ll pivot from there.
The advice was good. The voice was a liar. I’m keeping the first one and firing the second.
Now go tell yours to shut up too.